Just as I have previously minimised the time I like to spend contemplating the relative merits of dishwashing detergents, I am equally baffled by the phrase ‘dream kitchen’. Is it weird of me that I very rarely dream about kitchens? Except perhaps in darker moods as somewhere to find sharp knives. And if I do ever have a kitchen-based dream, I don’t think the actual design and layout of the units features very strongly; I’m pretty sure it’s the stuff actually going on in the dream kitchen, or kitchen dream, that’s of relevance. If I did ever have a dream in which I was admiring the beveling on a granite worksurface, I hope I’d have the decency to wake myself up in a cold sweat.(Actually, there’s a really lovely Maurice Sendak picture book called In the Night Kitchen that is particularly dreamlike, though I’m a bit alarmed that Wikipedia describes it as ‘controversial’.)
Having finished the Finish QuantuMatic trial (see previous four posts) I can now temporarily decommission my dishwasher and go ahead with having my entire kitchen ripped out and replaced, including upgrading the insulation (from none) and demolition of the chimney breast, which seemed like a good idea until I saw the state of the brickwork behind. (I’m amazed these Victorian terraces actually stand up when they are held together with little more than air, sand and newspaper.)
Two and a half days in and I’ve spent enough time on the Ikea online kitchen planner to be able to win Mastermind with a specialist subject of Faktum, have hoovered brick dust out of the Lego box (very carefully!), have been up at 6.30 boiling kettles for a wash when the boiler was interrupted, had to climb out of the window and down a ladder to get into the garden, have used Freecycle to get rid of the old oven and a beaten up Habit table to a nice Scottish man who had just moved down to London, and gone through my entire kitchen plan on the phone with the woman from the bank who was only supposed to be setting up a transfer (‘Ooooo, are you getting an island? I dream of getting an island…’). I have washing-up in the bath, a cooker in the garden, a fridge in the office, food in the sitting room, clothes at the launderette, children at sports camp and stress all over my body.
If I wasn’t dreaming about kitchens before, I am now.Kitchen updates will be posted on Twitter @MidlifeManual
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